So I watched a bum the other day ask a guy for change.  The guy said, I can help you out if you can tell me where such and such restaurant is.  The guy yells, “I DON’T KNOW!”  Like the guy asking for directions was asking too much, or like he didn’t have time for that.  I didn’t know what to think.  At first I thought it was messed up that the begger would be pissed, but then I thought some more.  Basically I think it’s okay to ask someone for change that looks like they might have change, but as a person with change to ask someone who looks familiar with the “streets” for directions is unethical.  Maybe it’s unreasonable to ask someone in that situation for anything.  I mean he already has nothing.  I don’t know.  I can’t imagine what that life must be like.  I have a hard enough time not having people to hang with all day, but if I didn’t have a place to stay, money for food, or a place to shower, I’d probably be pretty freakin’ unreasonable too.

I think my most popular blog post currently is about the six women every guy should date.  I’m thinking about writing about the six women every guy shouldn’t date.  Although, I can’t think of too many types of women that I would suggest not giving a try.  That also assumes like Men’s Health, that there is a way to thoroughly and wholly define a woman with two adjectives.  Not to mention everyone needs love sometime, right?  I read that there about 3.2 billion women and 3.3 billion men on the planet.  That means there are about 100,000,000 men on the planet that aren’t getting any love at all, or a lot of women with multiple partners.  Of course you have to figure some percentage of each of those are gay.  So maybe it all works out.  Maybe homosexuality is a necessity in order for the numbers of people being loved to be even between the sexes.  Not sure if there are more lesbians or more gay men.  It would have to be a lot more gay men for the numbers to work out.  Then there are prostitutes too, which I would think satisfy a significant amount of men.  I don’t know.  There’s a huge amount of very lonely, very unfulfilled people out there.  How shitty is that?

Well I’m in a dimly lit place in my mind right now, and I don’t really want to turn on the lights out of fear of something crazy being written on the wall with bodily fluids.  Yikes!

So what do I know about Chicago? I only know a few things about Chicago and they involve politics. For instance, I hear politics are pretty cut-throat in Chicago, which puts people in some funny situations. For instance, I hear that if you’re not careful you can lose your seat in the Senate by forging a bunch of petitions to get on the ballot, and then running against Barack Obama. Of course, with enough money you could probably buy that seat back, but only if you know the right guy.

In other news, what do I know about Improv.  Basically if you’re a witty smart ass you’re pretty much good at improv.  That is improv.  You basically take queues from someone else for material and then quickly and comedically use it in a skit, or if your a smart ass, to belittle and humiliate a person.  The comedy improv at the iO, “Chicago’s Best Improv Comedy,” may be completely different since I’ve never been, but let me know.

Seriously though, Jimmy Pennington is wicked funny.  So funny in fact he made my top 10 list of funniest people I know and I know like at least a hundred people.  So he’s in the top 10% of the funniest people I know!  Which means he’s pretty funny… Actually, that’s not impressive at all. That’s like saying hey I know you 2 people and you are the smartest people I know.  Not to mention, who the hell am I?  What gives me any authority?  “Yeah, I know I’m funny because this one guy said I was funny.”

Please, if you go this weekend mention you read about his comedy show here, and then tell him what you like to drink, and then leave a comment about it.

• Greg Huether
• Doug Just
• Jimmy Pennington
• Felix Martinez
• Megan Hahn
• Eric Yurgartis
• Wynn Everett Albanese
• Jason Homan
• Rob Czyzewski
• Wil Nocon

Feel free to add to the list.  It’s not really all about me.  It’s all about the people, people… and the glasses, but mostly the people, and even more specifically the funny people.

After Jeremy, it was Sweet Caroline, which is the classic, so there was much more involvement!  SO GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD!  We finished it up with “My Life”  So we ended fairly strong, and the more drunk we, and everyone else got, the better it all became, but there were some seriously talented people there and I don’t know if Greg and I could possibly go back without having practiced several hours prior.  I think I may stretch out before hand, even take a power nap, to be better rested for any jumping splits, or Guitar Hero stances.  I mean it was way hardcore.

In other news I’ve decided the worst sheets ever are the cotton jersey sheets. It’s like if you don’t have a friend to help you put the fitted sheet on you might as well not buy these sheets. You would think I bought a single sheet and was trying to put it on a king size bed. Those damn corners wouldn’t stay, I was ready to throw the whole mattress out the window. Avoid jersey sheets! They’re comfortable, but only if you can get them on the mattress. Then when you finally do, you’ll be so pissed off you can’t even sleep.

You ever go through your address book and come across someone that you no longer can talk to?  It’s a little bit of a weird feeling.  I was consolidating my address book and I came across my grandmother’s entry, and I paused a minute while I contemplated what to do.  I mean obviously I can’t call her anymore, and I can’t write her.  There really isn’t any reason to keep her address or phone number or email, but it really feels wrong to not copy it.  The name itself holds value.  Even though it’s nothing more then a minuscule amount of ink, shaped into the form of several letters, together which just happen to form the words “Funny Grandma aka Claire Adams” it’s a difficult thing to pass by and continue my efforts.  My Grandmother lost her battle with Pancreatic cancer.  She was an amazing woman that lived everyday to the fullest.  She would even go so far as to yell at you if you were to say something like, “I can’t wait for tomorrow!”  “I don’t want to hear that,” she’d say, “today’s not over yet!”

This blog isn’t about my Grandmother and her unsuccessful battle with Pancreatic cancer.  This blog is about my friend Judy, and her successful battle with pancreatic cancer!  Judy is equally as amazing.  She taught me how to dance, which in and of itself is quite a feat.  I met Judy my senior year of high school through her daughter Julie.  Judy has a blog too, if you care to read more about this amazing woman and her fight with cancer.  She started the blog prior to her first surgery and I recommend checking it out.

Anyway, it turns out that this month is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness month!  Yeah, unfortunately we didn’t do too good a job with the awareness, because I sure as hell didn’t hear anything about it until today, and the month is just about over!  So in honor of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month I thought I would start a Fundraiser for one of the least supported cancers out there, despite the fact that it’s one of the most lethal.  So help me out, and Judy, and people like her, and donate!  I set a goal of $100 in one day.  That should be easily attainable.  Even if everyone I inform only donates a dollar we should easily be able to exceed that.  Please take a quick second to donate.  It’s really easy, and really fast.  Click here for the Fundraiser, and let’s not let the last day of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month go unnoticed!

Yes, it’s unfortunate and sad that my Grandmother isn’t in my newest address book, but that’s the nature of life.  Don’t forget it’s up to us, the living, to support the others living!  It’s all about the PEOPLE, PEOPLE!

Rush makes it seem like this was a unique idea that the democrats came up with to secretly tell you they are going to use this crisis to develop their own personal agenda of promoting the democratic party.  Rush is really getting desperate for material.  A pretty smart guy said something fairly similar, albeit more general.

Rush Limbaugh’s Transcript

Stitch’s breakout roll. Watch how he jumps up onto the bed. So graceful. Notice the pug. Not only can he not get up, but he just leaves. Stitch, a natural.

Paparazzi catch Stitch relaxing with family.

Last night Jenny and I went out with some friends to Red Star Tavern in Town Center, Virginia Beach. We had a good time, had some drinks. Jenny was the designated driver so she definitely didn’t have as much fun. She had to catch a flight at 8-am so she had to be up early. Anyway, 622 am rolls around and Jenny tells me it’s time to bring her to the airport. My piss poor planning didn’t consider the fact that I too would be up early to drive Jenny to the airport.

After Jenny was safely on her way to San Diego I headed back to my mother in law’s house. It didn’t take me long to realize that there was no reason at all for me to stay in Virginia Beach. Since initially the only reason that I was staying there was because I wanted to sleep in after going out. So I called Southwest and they put me on an earlier flight and told me I could go to the airport and get on standby for an even earlier flight. I got back to the airport at about 1055-am and after I returned the rental car and got through security I was on standby at around 1110 for a 1145 departure time. Apparently even if you get through the gate before the plane starts boarding and there are seats available and you are the only person on standby, you still may not get on the plane.

Unfortunately the agent was too slow, which I didn’t realize was something I needed to plan for. So I hung out at the airport for the next 2 and a half hours and got on my booked flight.

I chose a seat towards the front of the airplane because it was an aisle seat. If you’ve never flown Southwest airlines it’s seating like a bus, although I don’t think that’s what they call it. You go in and get a seat. The seat options are based on when you check in. So people who check in earliest get on the plane earlier and therefore get the better seats. I chose my seat next to this couple. They commented on my Love Revolution Shirt. Initially thinking it said Lone Revolution which I explained was fortuitously the case right now. Jeanine guessed I had a son with the first name of A and that my last name started with a Z.

We struck up a conversation and here are some of the highlights… Because it’s all about the people, people!

Jeanine Hoffman descendant from the Royal families of the Ukraine is a Marxist Peace loving John Lennon quoting communist.
Has a Libra moon sign and a Virgo Sun Sign. Born in 1977
Not religious, and seems to have something against Catholics.
She is self professed “Hardcore”
She wondered how the “bud” was in California and was also interested in the weed trade from Mexico to Southern California.
Her alcohol of preference is Gin, and she enjoys Gin in a plane and in a bar. I think she likes Gin in a car or in a train, I think she likes Gin everywhere.
If you were to pick a drink a Gin and Tonic would be good and Tanqueray is fine. She is an artist, both in spoken word and pottery/sculpting, and works at a “Head Shop.” She has some fascinating stories. Including one about a 50 yard dash involving huge tits 20 person parties, exhibitionism and domination…

Marlon Hoffman prefers Bombay Sapphire Gin, but will settle for Tanqueray.

Her partner much more soft spoken but equally as awesome. Born in 1974 is a “blond haired blue eyed hottie.” You’ll notice the quotes and immediately realize that I am quoting his wife.

Their cats wear tuxedos, and so do they sometimes in order to create an air of formality around dinner.

Jeanine Hoffman and Marlon Hoffman will start actively trying in another six months to conceive a child. They were very interested in my son Anthony. Pictures, attitude, etc. They assumed he was smart because I was obviously a brain, their words not mine. I mentioned the difficulties that exist in marriage post children, but also that it’s the most rewarding experience as well.

Hatteras in North Carolina, was their vacation spot. which is also where the head bitch in charge established her dominance. What was great was the way they complimented each other. they are very much in love and very much in tune with each other. Marlon Hoffman is a very laid back dude, in complete control and knows it, but not in an arrogant way, more in a silent knightly way. For as outgoing and outspoken his wife was, she was always quick to check with him first to make sure she didn’t stray too far outside of his boundaries. He would sort of reign her in a little bit. She never came across as arrogant or bossy, but you could see that it might head there, and just before it was even in the ballpark Marlon would put the ca-bash on it, not in a controlling or hurtful way, but just in a matter of fact kind of way–ensuring the entire story was told kind of way. Like don’t forget about that one thing that happened where it wasn’t 100% like what you are saying kind of stuff.

After our introduction on the plane and conversation we headed to a bar after landing. The drinking began and the stories continued. Not long after being there another Long Islander sat down and overhearing some of the conversation chimed in about his thoughts on Obama and his assasination at a conference in Colorado. Not long after that another Long Islander sat down and overhearing the conversation mentioned dropping off his daughter at her senior year in college with is going to set him back about $70,000 a year.

The jist of it is, that I love how so many things are happening in so many lives all the time. Today I got to experience my own personal reality TV, and I hesitate to use it as I don’t want to cheapen the experience by comparing it with most of the garbage that is reality tv, as I randomly and completely by chance sat with 4 strangers in a bar in Baltimore, all who lived in Long Island, NY, having never met before, and all on different agendas, plans, life experience, times-in-life. It was absolutely awesome. If I said it once, I’m going to keep saying it. It’s all about the People, People! Don’t forget it’s what makes every part of life worth living. Who knows who you might meet, or what you might talk about, or how your perspective may change. You just don’t know, and that is what makes Life so #@%*ing Good!