Purging From Both EndsD

So in a disasterous case of irony, as soon as I made the decision to focus my blog on comedy, I’ve lacked the correct state of mind to be funny.  So I am going to try to kick my writing back up a notch (BAM), and I thought I would start it off by telling you about the horrific situation that is food poisoning.

Lessons learned from food poisoning:

• Always sit.  If you ever wonder which end is going to be the first to give way, always sit.  Basically the violent contraction of your stomach to vomit, has the ability to also violently release everything the other direction.
• Just throw up.  You are going to feel like crap until you throw up.  Just do it.  It took me thinking of a bacon cheese burger to finally get my stomach going.  I recommend this way.  I tried the finger down the throat and I just started gagging, and cramped up in my stomach.
• Don’t give in to the hunger.  Turns out that once your body starts reversing the flow of food, it likes to keep doing that for a while.  You’ll feel really hungry because you just purged the entire contents of your stomach, but don’t start eating right away.

So now that my torso is pretty much cleaned out, I figured now is a good time to go on a diet.  Might as well take advantage of my forced bulimia.